Summarizing the Idiocy:: Breaking Dawn || Book Four.

STI: BREAKING DAWN.

[This summary will be a summary of the summary.]

Bella:: Boo, I’m getting married today.

Edward:: Finally.

Jacob:: I am here to say hello before you become some evil vampire spawn.

Bella:: *Clings to*

Jacob:: Bye now.

Edward:: THIS IS TANYA THE OTHER PERFECT VAMPIRE THAT LIKED ME!?

Bella:: *Feels all jealous and inferior, like the typical Mary-sue when confronted with someone prettier.*

*They get married and all that fucking faggotry, everyone's happy for them*

Edward:: Let’s go we need to go on our honey moon.

Bella:: Okay.

*The honey moon*

Bella:: Carlisle loves Esme so much he bought her and Island. I’m jealous.

Edward:: Yeah, romantic isn’t it.

Bella:: Let’s have sex.

Edward:: but I could kill you.

Bella:: I don’t care take me now! *wears sexy lingerie*

*Edward and Bella have sex multiple times while on their honeymoon, no shock Edward doesn’t kill her*

Bella:: *Gets sick*

Edward:: Are you okay?

Bella:: No, I think I’m pregnant. *calls Rosalie*

*THIS DEFIES ALL LOGIC AND GOES AGAINST ALL VAMPIRE NOVELS AND PREVIOUS STATEMENTS BY THE FUCKING AUTHOR OF THIS SERIES, WTFH!?*

Edward:: You need an Abortion

Rosalie:: *hiss*

*Half of the book is written in Jacobs POV, and I don’t care to write much of it*

Jacob:: Oh holy shit, you’re preggo. How’d that happen.

Edward:: *shrug* but it’s going to kill her and she won’t let us shove a coat hanger up there and kill it.

Rosalie:: *hiss*

Other Werewolves:: *try to kill Bella*

The Cullen's and three werewolves:: *stop it from happening*

Bella:: *drinks blood and crap like that, then goes into labour*

*insert mildly grotesque birthing scene, where the Cullen’s literally eat Bella’s stomach open to free the baby monster thing inside her*

Rosalie:: *leaves with the baby*

Bella:: *dead right now*

Edward:: *injects vampire venom into her heart and performs CPR until she becomes a vampire*

Jacob:: *moping downstairs looks at baby bella and imprints on her*

Bella:: *wakes up cant see her baby because she may kill her half human monstrosity, has a special gift obviously, and goes hunting*

[Okay so this is literally where I stopped reading the saga, so lets just say. Bella fucking gets on a unicorn and saves the mother fucking world by slaying the Volturi, and then she becomes queen of the fucking universe and her baby grows up to be just like her, in other words she’s a Mary-sue vampire obsessed retard who want’s Edward, but sadly is stuck with Jacob, oh poo.]

STI: THE AFTERMATH | BOOK FIVE.

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