STI:: THE AFTERMATH.
Logical Readers:: Oh god someone shut her up already!
Edward:: I'm here hunnybunchesofoatsbby. *Sparkle*
Bella: OH MY GOD, YOU'RE STILL DAZZLING AND PERFECT AND JUNK, LIKE TTLY TAEK ME NOW.
Meyer:: I AM SO TURNED ON RIGHT NOW! *Masturbates to the thought of her crap characters have sex.*
Renseme:: MOMMY MOMMY, JACOB LIKES TO FONDLE MY BOOBIES.
Bella:: Of course he does dear. [I mean srsly who hasn't realized how perverse the fact that a 17 year old male imprinted on a BABY/TODDLER/CHILD.]
Meyer:: *Continues doing her business.* OH IF YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW, I'M FAT.
Logical Readers:: EEEEWWWW, THE MENTAL IMAGE.
Edward:: SOME OF THIS SHOULD BE IN MY POINT OF VIEW!
Bella:: No, I'm the Mary-sue, go get your own popular series Edward.
Edward:: Oh Bella, the only reason people even read Twilight was so they could pretend to be you so they could pretend I stalked them around and killed adorable little animals so I didn't kill you.
Logical Readers:: You're a creep, gtfo the internet now.
Plot:: *still rotting away in the Volvo.*
*SOMEWHERE IN ITALY*
Aro:: *Dances around a revel fire* [I didn't read all of book four, I have no clue if he's dead or not.]
Caius:: Aro what does this accomplish?
Aro:: *Strips down and rubs mud all over body* I dunno bitch, but it feels hardcore right yo'.
Marcus:: I'm really starting to worry about him, he's just not the same anymore.
Caius/Jane/Other Volturis:: Tell me about it.
*BACK IN FORKS OR WHEREVER THE FUCK THEY LIVE NOW*
Renseme:: I R VAMPIRE. I VANT TEW SUK UR BLUDZ.
Logical Readers:: Oh fuck, she's a nooblet-sue.
Fans:: OH MY GOD RENSEME, WE WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU, WHICH IS WHY WE DON'T SPELL WHEN WE ARGUE THAT TWILIGHT IT THE BEST SERIES EVER!
Bella:: I NEED MORE LINES.
Edward:: AS DO I.
Jacob:: *Molests Renseme, because hes a fucking pedophile.*
Other Cullens:: THIS IS OUR ONE LINE!
Jasper:: Wait that hardly seems fair.
Alice:: I know! What the hell Meyer. Write in your better characters at least a little more often.
Jasper:: Alice you do realize you aren't one of her better characters.
Emmett: Are any of her characters decent?
Logical Readers:: Needs moar Jasper and Carlisle, you know the two she more than likely plagiarized from someone else.
*Intermission with Jasper and Carlisle Cullen*
Carlisle:: So Jasper, you had a half decent back story in the book Eclipse.
Jasper:: Yours wasn't to bad in Twilight either, wasn't really elaborated on. Which was good because that means Meyer didn't ruin your character.
Carlisle:: That's true. I hope she doesn't ruin my character in Midnight Sun.
Jasper:: She probably wont, she'll try to make you really well developed by wikipediaing some famous novelist and stealing their characters back story.
Carlisle:: On that note, who did she steal your back story from Jasper?
Jasper:: I'm not sure, but we could always google it and find out.
Carlisle:: Good idea. *Gets out laptop and googles.*
Jasper:: Well oh my god! She plagiarized me from. . . .
*End of intermission.*
Bella:: Back to meeee! Because I'm perfect and crap!
Edward:: I love you Bella. *sparkles violently*
Plot:: *tries to come back to life.*
Meyer:: *Gets Dick Cheney's hunting rifle and shoots.*
Plot:: *dead again.*
Edward and Bella:: *Have some random love scene*
Fans:: AW THAT'S SO CUTE! I WANT TO BE BELLA!
Logical Readers:: Okay, this whole thing is getting really quite old.
Any English Major in Existence:: *Agrees.*
Renseme & Jacob:: *Have some form of sexual contact*
Meyer:: *Does more inappropriate things to herself.*
Bella:: OH MY GOD, I BROKE A NAIL!
Edward:: Holy shit! Lets do something totally irrelevant to that just because Meyer want's us to seem all powerful!
*Insert that very thing I just mentioned.*
Bella:: Edwaaard, I love you.
Edward:: I love you more.
*Insert 28 pages of that and sex, and a happy ever after.*
A courageous logical reader:: *Storms in with a a packet of matches and lights them up putting one down each vampires throat causing them to be set ablaze.* [In a interview Meyer said that the venom in her vampires was flammable, if by biting a person the venom is injected into a person that would make there mouth, throat, stomach, highly flammable, therefore killing them.]
Other Logical Readers:: OUR HERO!
THE FUCKING END.