Bella:: I’m an annoying Mary-Sue, who hates everything about the place I moved to! I don’t know why I bothered moving in with my dad.
Charlie:: Sup? I got you a truck.
Bella:: Oh rad I hate you, I hate this place, I hate my life.
Charlie:: ‘Kay awesome, leave me alone I want to watch baseball.
Bella:: I hate it here. [What a fucking surprise.]
Every guy in the school:: OMG, You’re sexy marry me.
Bella:: Ew no, use some Pro-Active acne solution, you’re nasty.
Jessica:: HEY YOU’RE IN MY CLASSES.
Bella:: OMG, who is the god like man sitting there with all the other pretty people!
Jessica:: Edward Cullen.
Bella:: I love him!
*Insert boring crap here*
Edward:: I hate you, you wreak.
Bella:: NO FAIR! *emocutcutcutslashwhine*
*No plot line at all//more boring crap*
Bella:: *almost dies*
Bella:: ILUSM EDDIEBBYCKS.
Edward:: Meh, don’t talk to me, get in the ambulance. I still hate you, you still wreak I just didn’t want you to die. [What the fuck sense does THAT make?]
Bella:: *Almost get raped while dress shopping* [WTFH?]
Edward:: *saves again*
Bella:: JACOB TOLD ME YOU WERE A VAMPIRE!
Edward:: Yep, I’m a vampire, and I decided I love you.
Bella:: Finally! *Cling*
Edward:: You should hate me I’m dangerous, I sparkle.
Bella:: So? I’m a Mary-sue, I throw caution in the wind and don’t listen to rules. Because I’m fucking hardcore, wait you sparkle?
Edward:: I’ll show you someday.
*Insert continuous lack of plot here*
Alice:: ‘Sup, I can see the future I for see you dying.
*Insert more lovey dovey ilusm Edward/Bella BS here.*
Edward:: Alice saw it storming, lets go play baseball.
*Cullen family plays baseball vampire style, obv.*
Three random vampires:: ‘Sup G? Hay I see you brought food.
Cullens:: No! She’s with us.
James:: Oh well, she smells tasty I’mma hunt her!.
Bella:: Trust me I taste way worse then I smell. *flees the state*
James:: *Finds her house and lures her there*
James:: lol, you were stupid enough to come. *almost kills*
Bella:: Oh hey, I survived all thanks to my one true love Edward! Oh ew, my leg is broken.
Edward:: Hello girl I am so in love with I would do anything for! Your mothers here I’m gonna pretend to sleep!
Bella’s mother:: I think that boy might be in love with you. *stating the obvious.*
Bella:: Yep, I love him too! We’re soul mates.
* Even Later*
Bella:: Oh fuck! You’re taking me to prom!? How could I not realize that Alice dressing me up in a fancy designer dress and doing my hair and makeup on the DAY of the prom could mean that, and wait I’m only a junior WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN GOING TO PROM?
Edward:: I love you, lets dance gimpy.
Bella:: I can’t dance lets go have a sappy moment outside instead.
Edward:: Okay. *sparkle* [I know he didn’t sparkle in the book at the end, but he may as well have.]
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