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Sunday, December 21, 2008

Summarizing the Idiocy:: Twilight || Book One.


Bella:: I’m an annoying Mary-Sue, who hates everything about the place I moved to! I don’t know why I bothered moving in with my dad.

Charlie:: Sup? I got you a truck.

Bella:: Oh rad I hate you, I hate this place, I hate my life.

Charlie:: ‘Kay awesome, leave me alone I want to watch baseball.

*School Day*

Bella:: I hate it here. [What a fucking surprise.]

Every guy in the school:: OMG, You’re sexy marry me.

Bella:: Ew no, use some Pro-Active acne solution, you’re nasty.


Bella:: OMG, who is the god like man sitting there with all the other pretty people!

Jessica:: Edward Cullen.

Bella:: I love him!

*Insert boring crap here*

Edward:: I hate you, you wreak.

Bella:: NO FAIR! *emocutcutcutslashwhine*

*No plot line at all//more boring crap*

Bella:: *almost dies*

Edward:: *Saves*


Edward:: Meh, don’t talk to me, get in the ambulance. I still hate you, you still wreak I just didn’t want you to die. [What the fuck sense does THAT make?]


Bella:: *Almost get raped while dress shopping* [WTFH?]

Edward:: *saves again*


Edward:: Yep, I’m a vampire, and I decided I love you.

Bella:: Finally! *Cling*

Edward:: You should hate me I’m dangerous, I sparkle.

Bella:: So? I’m a Mary-sue, I throw caution in the wind and don’t listen to rules. Because I’m fucking hardcore, wait you sparkle?

Edward:: I’ll show you someday.

*Insert continuous lack of plot here*

Alice:: ‘Sup, I can see the future I for see you dying.

*Insert more lovey dovey ilusm Edward/Bella BS here.*

Edward:: Alice saw it storming, lets go play baseball.

Bella:: Whut?

*Cullen family plays baseball vampire style, obv.*

Three random vampires:: ‘Sup G? Hay I see you brought food.

Cullens:: No! She’s with us.

James:: Oh well, she smells tasty I’mma hunt her!.

Bella:: Trust me I taste way worse then I smell. *flees the state*

James:: *Finds her house and lures her there*

Bella:: EEK!

James:: lol, you were stupid enough to come. *almost kills*


Bella:: Oh hey, I survived all thanks to my one true love Edward! Oh ew, my leg is broken.

Edward:: Hello girl I am so in love with I would do anything for! Your mothers here I’m gonna pretend to sleep!

Bella’s mother:: I think that boy might be in love with you. *stating the obvious.*

Bella:: Yep, I love him too! We’re soul mates.

* Even Later*

Bella:: Oh fuck! You’re taking me to prom!? How could I not realize that Alice dressing me up in a fancy designer dress and doing my hair and makeup on the DAY of the prom could mean that, and wait I’m only a junior WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN GOING TO PROM?

Edward:: I love you, lets dance gimpy.

Bella:: I can’t dance lets go have a sappy moment outside instead.

Edward:: Okay. *sparkle* [I know he didn’t sparkle in the book at the end, but he may as well have.]


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